


it should have been me

by lovelywest



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Big angst, Depression, Heartache, Langst, Loneliness, M/M, keith is somewhere in space getting shivers, kuron is the biggest dick, neglect from fellow teammates, pining lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 17:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15562779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelywest/pseuds/lovelywest
Summary: Lance takes a visit to Keith's old room in the castle ship.





	it should have been me

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place months after Keith had left for the BOM and Lance isn't settling well.

Lance missed Keith. He really did.

 

Lance was wandering the castle hallways, one supposed afternoon. Who would really know with all this space, time-wimey crap. Pidge and Hunk were doing the usual in the engineering room. Fiddling with wires and tools. Lance was never really welcome there. He kept moving.

 

The three Alteans and Shiro were strategizing their next moves against the Galra. He was no help in that department. Shiro had made it very clear of that. There was no way he was gonna go in there just to get embarrassingly kicked out again for suggesting an idea or two. 

 

So, he wandered. Alone. Like he had done, many,  _ many _ times a day. After making several arounds around the castles interior, he comes across Keith's room. Something he hadn’t really paid attention to in a long time. _ Would it be weird for me to go in? No. He doesn't even live here anymore. Who cares? _

 

He peaks in as his eyes wander around the space. It looks exactly like his. Except for the absence of his arrangement of video game cords and consoles he has sprawled across his floor. With the one game he’s beaten countless times just this week. 

 

He plops down into the bed and fidgets with his fingers. Taps his foot. He scans the room again, and decides to get up to see if Keith had any hidden secrets he had forgotten here before he had left. Maybe some sexy alien nudie magazine stash. Or a knife collection or... anything really. At all.

 

Nothing in the connected bathroom. Anything in the drawers? Under the nightstand? Nada. Zilch. Fuck-all. There goes his wonderful plans of jerking the day away.

 

He turned to the small closet near the doorway. He walks over and opens it. Keith’s old leather jacket. Lance snickers to himself.  _ Really? He left this behind? Of all things?  _  He pulls it off the hook and holds it in his hand and... instantly sniffs it? Like it was instinct? Yeah, he doesn’t get it either... doesn’t mean he plans to stop though.

 

He takes a few long breaths and exhales softly. 

 

It smells like him. Kinda gives him a soft... nostalgic sense. Like a warm period of time that’s passed. A time that feels so present yet… happened such a long time ago. It gives him an odd feeling of home... if that makes any sense at all.

 

He decides to try it on. You know, for shits and giggles. He walks over to the long mirror in the corner.

 

_ Big _ . He crosses his arms and musters the best Keith scowl he can possibly imagine without seeing the guy for months. He cracks himself up, laughing harder then he’s laughed in months. Just thinking about his _ face _ . His laugh dies out quickly, but a soft curve is still pulling at his cheeks. He takes it off and sits down on the bed. 

 

Being the snoop that he is, he decides to checks the pockets. In the right are his black gloves... he snickers again. He puts them back where they rightfully belong, hidden away from the world so they can’t remind him of how cool he thought Keith was for wearing them without shame. And rocking them for that matter. He checks the left. An old creased picture. It’s an image of little Garrison Keith and two taller guys next to him. He stares down at the photo and takes a closer look. It’s younger Shiro, with his... _ right _ arm around Keith’s shoulder. He could barely recognize him without the scar and the prosthetic now. He looks much happier here… and then there’s another guy beside him. Shrios other arm is wrapped around him too. He looks somewhat familiar. Shiro and Keith are both smiling in the photo, but it seems like this guy just refuses to even bother. He’s guesses hes seen him around the Garrison before. He has quite the striking gaze. Must be a close friend of theirs. His eyes drift back down to the smaller Keith. He fondly smiles at the image, remembering their Garrison days together. Those weird feelings that bubbled to Lances surface whenever Keith was even mentioned in front of him. The awful swelling feeling in his chest  that made it kinda hard to breathe and his palms all sweaty. He must’ve been feeling hatred. It must’ve… 

 

He hasn’t changed at all since back then. Still brooding at 12. Lance sighs as he feels the weight on his chest. 

 

He glances around the room once more, thinking about time he confined in Keith to make him feel better about his position on the team. 

 

_ Everything will work itself out-. _

 

At first, Keith hadn’t really done much to reassure him, but after that  _ line _ ...that damn line. 

 

_ Leave the math to Pidge _ .

 

He giggles to and remembers how he had been smiling to himself like an idiot for the entire rest of the evening. It might as well have been a pickup line that Keith said to him, it would’ve had the same effect on his heartstrings.It seemed like such a small meaningless comment. To Keith it probably was, but it meant a lot to Lance. it really shouldn't have, now that he thinks back to it. 

 

He lets his head rest on the pillow, the jacket lay spread across his chest, still firmly grasped in his hands. 

 

The memories seemed to just get sadder as they came. He snuggles onto his side as sad, lonely tears start to stream down his cheeks. He pulls the jacket to his chest, feeling his slow, aching heartbeat through the thick leather. He clings to it like its his only source of gravity and that without it he’d just be meaninglessly hanging in the darkness of space. He eventually drifted to sleep, dreaming about how it used to be. How he wished it would be. His dreams quickly twisted into darkness as it dove into all his fears and insecurities as a paladin. And as a person. 

  
  


Shiros image looms in front of him. 

“I’m so sorry, Lance” he says in a cold and lifeless voice.  _ What is he sorry for? It doesn't feel like an apology _ .

 

It’s quiet, but the words boom in his ear and echo off the walls of the room he doesn’t recognize. 

 

“Keith decided he isn’t coming back, and we’ve all agreed that we don’t need you here on the team anymore.” Lances gaze snapped towards the rest of the Paladins. They all looked down at him with serious, unblinking eyes. Like he had committed high treason against the entire universe. They all nod along in unison. Lances eyes turned helpless. His first instinct was to plead, but he couldn’t bring himself to beg for something that was rightfully his. _ But how will you form Voltron without me? Without Keith- I-I’m the only red paladin left. _ No words left his lips, but it’s like Shiro had read his mind completely.  _ You can’t just- _

 

“What happens to the team after you’re gone is none of your concern. It’s time for you to leave now, Lance.”

 

_ No please! I won’t pilot just let me stay on the team. Please Shiro! I need to see him one more time. He won’t make me leave. Let me see him! _

 

“Goodbye, Lance. It’s what Keith would’ve wanted.” Shiro’s voice somehow echoed through the stars, as Lance is shot from the castle and it instantly leaves him stranded. With no planets or ships nearby. No food or water. He’s going to die out here, he can feel it.

 

Despite all that, there’s sheer panic welling in his stomach as he floats through the darkness. His oxygen levels are already dangerously low. He tries to regulate his breathing. It’s no use.  _ Shiro? Allura? Mom? ...Dad? Anyone..? Keith... where is he? He’ll come for me, I’m sure of it!  _ He can barely breathe now.  _ He’s on his way… I’ll see him really soon…I’m so excited. _ His breathing gets heavier and his thoughts are getting hazy. Everything begins to fade to black and then... 

 

Lance jolts up in his bed taking in a large gasp of air. Like he had been suffocated. He was sweating and panting. _ It was just a dream, just a shitty nightmare. _ He rests his face on his hand, and wipes a tear from his cheek. 

 

He looks around confused, finding himself lost in the darkness of the room. As he waits for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, he vaguely remembers the events that took place in his nightmare. Shiros words…  _ It‘s what Keith would’ve wanted _ .... it felt so real. The pain in his chest was definitely real.

 

His gaze lowers to Keith’s jacket still resting firmly in his grip. He tosses his blanket off his legs and puts his feet on the cold floor. He closes his eyes tightly as it works to ground him. He sighs and feels the weight fall onto his chest once again. 

 

He looks around, eyes half open. Lance forces himself off the bed and hangs Keith's jacket back in the closet. He begins to walk away but, hesitates. 

 

Once more wouldn't hurt... be pulls it off the hanger once more and brings it to his nose, and inhales  _ deeply.  _

 

Turns out once more hurts the fucking most. 

 

All of his muscles tense in unison. Hes shaking with anger and guilt. Angry tears streamed down his cheeks and onto the red faux leather. He hunches forward a little bit as he grinds his teeth. _ Why did you have to leave? At the most crucial time for you and I? Why did you have to do that to the team...to me? _

 

If it had just been Lance that left the team none of this would’ve ever happened. Keith would be here and he could see his ugly mullet and ugly brooding face whenever he fucking pleased. He could train with him, and swim with him. He could see his body as he glided through the water. He had been robbed with their first encounter with the Altean pool, there’s no way he would ever pass up that chance again. He could talk to him alone and hold his hand when he needed someone’s hand to hold. Hug him when he needed someone to hug. A shoulder to cry on. He would push Keith’s hair back behind his ear to get a better look at his beautiful haunting eyes that strike burning holes into his own. He would reassure Keith that he meant the world to him in that moment. That he needed him there. Needed him to keep him from losing his fucking mind in this castle in the middle of fucking space. He would lean in and… 

 

He whipped the jacket back into the closet as hard as he could, knocking the hanger off the bar.  He turns completely around and stomps into the hall, aggressively wiping the tears from his face and shoving his hands deep into his pockets. 

 

Halfway down the hallway... he stops. Against his own better judgment, he thinks to turn his head over his shoulder but he lingers in the position. He inhales before he can grasp sight of the hallway of doors behind him. He’s not stepping foot into Keith’s old room for a good while.

 

He exhales he continues walking, accepting that this dead weight on his shoulders isn't going away. Not anytime in this millennia. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Kindof a prologue to the scene that will inevitably be- Lance giving Keith back his precious jacket after the castle ship was destroyed. Jeremy Shada is said to be very "tight-lipped" about what Lance salvaged from the ship and the only thing that rly makes sense is ...*ding ding ding* you got it!!>>>big boyf jacket.
> 
> PRE-S7 so hopefully i haven't just bamboozled myself,,, anyways hope u enjoyed uwuwu


End file.
